Over the past few years, studies have revealed that male interactions in society have been on the decline for a multitude of reasons. Whether you look at it from a social or a companionship perspective, many males have opted out of participating. Since the pandemic, society has taken a major turn for the worse when it comes to people interacting with each other without the use of devices. However, once the pandemic was officially over and people returned to their everyday lives, most assumed an uptick would occur, and social interactions in society would return to normalcy. That never happened, and concerns have sprouted from it.
According to a recent Pew survey, 16 percent of men (and 15 percent of women) say they’re lonely all or most of the time. Key causes include men’s relative paucity of friendships compared to women’s. Additionally, men are often encouraged to be stoic instead of vulnerable, which makes it hard for them to express themselves emotionally and interact in meaningful ways with other people, including intimate partners.
Then, there’s the addictive and misogynistic manosphere in online social media content that targets boys and young men, known widely as “red pill” content. To some, it may offer shelter from a world in which traditional notions of masculinity are increasingly contested. Many men and boys actively seek purpose in a changing society, while some groups of women are excelling at historic levels and outpacing them in school and at work.
Social psychologist and forthcoming author of her book “Men Without Men,” Angelica Ferrara, brings up several important points that detail some of the hardships men are facing in the current climate. Ferrara frames men’s isolation as a product and project of patriarchy, arguing that the very qualities that patriarchal masculinity emphasizes are at odds with the things men most need to thrive. Patriarchal virtues of stereotypic masculinity—like hyper-independence, stoicism, strength, control, and rationality—inhibit the forming of friendships between men.
“In a recent survey I did with men ranging from ages 23 to 95, two-thirds of young American men said, ‘No one really knows me.’ Nearly half of men in the UK feel they cannot confide in a friend about their problems,” Ferrara said about her study. “American men are 50 percent less likely to report receiving social support—having someone check in on them or offer help when they need it—compared to women. Men also report having fewer friendships than they did 30 years ago.”
Her work suggests that men’s struggles are rooted in restrictive ideas about manhood. For example, Blake, a 34-year-old white British man, described the difficulty that certain types of masculinity pose for forming close relationships. “You know, we are all trying to be alpha men, so to be vulnerable and be close to people is hard,” said Blake. “Because of the world we’re in, I feel emotionally repressed and stunted. I can’t even get in touch with my own feelings.”
According to a David Braucher, Ph.D., interview with men, one young man stated, “Drop me in a crowd, and I can work the room, but if I have to reach out on the phone or email, I feel disgusting.” Others explained that initiating social contact makes them feel like they are “begging” for something.
Social isolation hurts men and women. But men who feel unknown are 2.2 times more likely to have pondered suicide in the past two weeks, an analysis revealed.
For many males, experiencing the need for connection leaves them feeling inadequate—they feel unworthy of the very connection they yearn for. Worse yet, for some, having the need itself suggests to them that they have already been rejected: They are alone because others aren’t seeking them out. Feeling rejected and emasculated by their need, they are paralyzed to take action. Though the rise in male suicides and drug addiction indicates that men have been suffering under the patriarchal notions of male self-sufficiency and stoicism since before the pandemic, the pandemic seems to have worsened their plight.
The suicide rate among males in 2023 was approximately four times higher than the rate among females. Males make up 50 percent of the population but nearly 80 percent of suicides. The sheer scale of suicide deaths among men in the United States should be a cause for national alarm. In 2022 alone, 39,045 men died by suicide. This translates to a man dying by suicide approximately every 13 minutes.
Increasingly, the shift in society with women now outpacing men in the economic market also challenges men’s place in society. According to BLS statistics, in 2023, women in full-time salaried roles had weekly earnings of $1,005. This is 83.6 percent of the $1,202 median average of men also working in full-time, salaried roles.
Taylor Bowley, an economist at BofA’s America Institute, found that for the past five out of six years, women’s median discretionary spending growth has been stronger than men’s, according to an article in Fortune.
Indexed against 2019, as of August 2024, women’s median annual income was 132.5 thousand, whereas the index for men was approximately 128.
Bowley explains the clear reason for the shift: “For women who have changed jobs, the associated rise in pay has been relatively strong. Though the overall percentage rise associated with a job-to-job change has been slowing, the raises women have received from a job change have been higher than men’s since 2019, per Bank of America internal data.”
Indeed, the positive difference between job-change pay increases for women and men as of September 2024 was just under 2 percent.
“This rising, positive difference in pay increases for women changing jobs suggests women are narrowing the gender pay gap, likely due in part to more opportunities for higher-paying work as well as accelerated wage growth in lower-paying sectors in female-dominated professions,” Bowley adds.
With this change, men are now questioning what it means to be a provider, which opens the debate between traditional and non-traditional.
Equimundo’s State of American Men 2025 is a groundbreaking new study that offers an unflinching, data-driven look at the emotional, economic, and cultural pressures facing American men. It found that the vast majority of men (86 percent) and women (77 percent) continue to define manhood as being a “provider.” But in an uncertain economy, where financial security remains out of reach for many, men who can’t meet this standard face devastating consequences: They are 16.3 times more likely to contemplate suicide. Financially successful men often pay a price, namely, sacrificing close relationships with their families due to their dedication to work.
Overcoming loneliness isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Here are some steps men can take to reconnect and rebuild their sense of belonging:
Start Small: If reaching out feels overwhelming, start with small steps. Send a text to an old friend or join a local group or club.
Focus on Friendships: Romantic relationships aren’t the only source of connection. Building strong friendships can provide a sense of community and support.
Seek Professional Help: If loneliness feels insurmountable, reaching out to a therapist or counselor can be a game-changer.
Challenge Traditional Norms: It’s okay to admit you’re struggling. Letting go of outdated ideas about masculinity can open the door to deeper connections.